I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
