my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
