Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
