I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
