Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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