All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
