you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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