I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
