a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
