Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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