Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
