I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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