Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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