just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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