so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
