i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
