I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
