so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
