grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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