Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
