Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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