He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
