My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
