i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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