How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
