It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
