apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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