Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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