Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
