You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
