Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
