Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
