I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
