I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
