doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
either way he was missing a nipple.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
