Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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