I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
