i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
