His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
