one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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