So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
