He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
