Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
