So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
