My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
