Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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