wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
