I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
