oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
