we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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