I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
