ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
