apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
